Denying we could ever have racist thoughts, or that we reap the benefits as a member of the majority race, is a common defense of liberal White Americans. By denying the existence of our racist thoughts, we negate the depth of the racial divide.
“But I don’t even see color.”
As if by being color-blind we can resolve the racial pain people of color live out. Pendler and Beverly note, “An inability to be open to the possibility that the experience of the other could be valid is a consistent element of white supremacy.”
2. Shame & Hurt:
When focus remains on the White person, and our emotional wounds, this is classic deflection and redirection.
“I’m so embarrassed I said that!”
This common phrase can be heard when something hurtful may have been said to a person of color. The truly injured party, however, remains unrecognized. By having the courage to confront a racial slight, a person of color is made to feel that they have misread us, or hurt our feelings.
We might also say: “I’m hurt that you think of me like that.” This further draws the attention back to us, and away from the real issue of pain felt by the person of color. When sympathy transfers to the white person, no awareness or learning occurs. No trust is built.
Try this next time you’re confronted with something insensitive: “I hear how my words or actions hurt you. Thank you for pointing that out to me.”
3. Narcolepsy & Ignorance:
Shutting down or going blank is referred to as “race-related narcolepsy.” Racism retains a foothold when white people reach a threshold in their racial sensitivity and invoke their white privilege to “check out,” and go silent, instead of sticking out the racial awareness process.
The other side of that coin is simply to choose ignorance.
“I had no idea about that!”
You’re feeling of being clueless leads to detachment. The responsibility to look inward is traded for making the person of color “assume the responsibility for bringing cultural and racial awareness to the surface.”
When a white liberal’s guilt runs amuck, it may become a deep-seated need to take his or her racial lumps. Taking the neighborhood’s homeless black man in for a meal may help him, but does the giving come from a place of joy or guilt? What happens when he steals from you? In retrospect, was your original act helpful or masochistic? Perhaps a $10 donation on the street might have served both of you better. White liberals, who unconsciously seek self-punishment for historical oppression, appear racially sensitive. But they actually perpetuate racism by simply becoming “a receptacle for potential and actual abuse,” instead of examining their racially-biased behavior.
5. Apology & Faux Compassion:
“I’m so sorry. I feel your pain.”
This is an example of a deflective technique many white people use to draw attention away from an initial, biased encounter. Again, not taking time to look inward stops short of sincere sensitivity. Pendler and Beverly comment, “While displaying empathy toward another is often associated with an act of connection, the speed with which white people rush to express sympathy and understanding, at the expense of acknowledging their participation in racist behavior and ideology, discourages a deep relational connection in the moment.” Basically, don’t apologize first. Try this instead: “I’m here to listen and learn.”
“But you know me. I’m not a racist!
This response to confrontation happens all the time. A white person reminds black people that they personally owned no slaves, their relative marched with Dr. King, and they were into NWA before they got big—-so obviously they’re in the clear regarding racism. Defensiveness is intended to end the discussion, absolve him or her, and quiet accusations surrounding white privilege. You really just built a brick wall.
7. The Pain Game:
“You’re not the only ones. My family was wiped out in the Holocaust.”
These microinvalidations are meant “to silence, diminish and denigrate the experience of the person of color.” Comparisons made to other races or cultural groups are insensitive. Creating a “contest of pain” keeps racist language alive, highlights deep insensitivity, and is yet another deflection from the initial microinvalidation that, if explored, could be enlightening. I notice that American Jews, myself included, use this microinvalidation often, comparing slavery and 300 years of oppression to the Holocaust. This is not the bridge to connection as intended, but rather brings the focus back to the White person, further invalidating the person of color.
8. Racial Resume:
Many White liberals keep a mental, multicultural resume to be submitted as evidence of racial tolerance and support
“I voted for Obama!”
However, talking about how we have Black friends, coached an inner-city basketball team, or live in a racially-mixed neighborhood does not excuse us from internal racial insensitivity. This microinvalidation denies the person of color their feelings because they then have to argue with our resumes.
9. White Guilt:
According to The Racism Root Kit: Understanding the Insidiousness of white privilege, a person experiencing white guilt will attempt “to provide comfort as if to ‘make up’ for the indignation expressed by the person of color.”
“I feel terrible about all the police brutality against black people.”
We may want to “do the right thing,” but because no real change or self-examination is engaged, no awareness takes place.
As a defensive tool, a white person might bring up societal exceptions, and success stories to negate the experience of someone who challenges their racial biases.
“But we have a black president!”
These examples are held up as reasons why we can dismiss the experience of the person of color: “...because logically the person of color should not be having the experience they are having.”